Going the distance

The first Tuesday of each month the CYP CLUB hosts a Speaker Networking Breakfast at the Champps Restaurant in the Lennox Town Center, if you are interested in joining email me.

On December 1st we were honored to welcome Debra Penzone, President of The Charles Penzone, Family of Salons. Debra addressed the issue of customer service and how to go the distance and she gave one of the most dynamic and well-planned presentations I have seen in a while.

The key takeaway for me was the statistics on first impressions. Penzone highlighted that when you meet someone for the first time they are “documenting” who you are and therefore are making assumptions based on what is before them that you are always “that way.”

For example when you meet someone if you are mumbley and grumbley they infer that is how you regularly act. On the converse if you present a pleasant posture they will believe you to be positive.

The cliché of “You can never make a second impression” heavily leans on this notion. When making new acquaintances, be sure to make the extra effort to be yourself, if only for the first time.

My second takeaway was how important what you aren’t saying. As it turns out only 7% of dialogue communication is based on the content. The rest is a mix of vocal tone, and body language. Even body language is comprised of many subsets such as, hand gestures, stance and posture, eyebrows and facial expressions. Debra incorporated the whole mixture very well as she paced the floor, emphasized expressions with her hands, and included the all important pause.

Many thanks to Debra Penzone for spending her morning with the Columbus Young Professionals and sharing her insights and wisdom on customer services.

The pebble in my boot...

The pebble in my boot is a greater obstacle than the boulder in my path.

Last Tuesday I rummaged to the back of the closet to locate my snow boots. I hadn't seen them since the beginning of 2009. As I get more prepared to start the walk to the park my dog, Lionel, becomes increasingly excited; and more difficult to manage. Due to this overwhelming zeal for exercise I failed to notice a pebble in my left boot.

As I began to pace my way toward the park I simply yielded to the annoyance in my boot and occasionally waggled my toes to shift the stone to irritate a different spot on my foot.

This was not the first time I experienced a rock in my shoe, but it was then that I was able to finalize the proverb that was waiting to be discovered. You see in life everyday we encounter all sorts of difficulties and challenges. Unexpected tasks, and projects that raise their head only to reroute the day's plan.

However I believe that those tasks and ventures although seemingly large and merit sheer mastery to overcome are still external. They will always be something outside of us that if we so choose we could choose to not do them. Or to put it another way, choose to do them differently than initially we observe them to be done.

Furthermore, "the pebble in my boot" is alluding to the great obstacle within us. That is something that we must battle and triumph. Keep in mind that it is small in size, and weak in mass, yet it is large in our own life.

Can you relate? What is the pebble in your boot?

Out of the mouth, the heart speaks.

On December 2, 2009 I had the privilege of hearing Artie Isaac speak on The demise of polite conversation. The above link will take you to the video, check out 44:00 for my cameo.

My notes:

Etiqutte evolves over time. What was once accepted and expected has changed.

The overarching question: What is polite conversatiion?
Simply put, offense lies in the ear of the behearer.

Where do YOU draw the line, and who gets to draw it?

An adated quote from Gandhi, Be the polite conversation we want to see in the world.

In time the way we talk will be how we will be described.

We are whatever we eat
We are what we know
We are who we know
We are where we go

Furthermore:

Our thoughts become our words.

Our words become our actions.

Our actions become our habits.

Our habits become our values.

Our values become our destiny.

Psalm34:13-14 you want a good life don't talk trash

Bad tounge:
1 false and derogatory - not much description needed here, we all know this
2 true, but derogatory - Have you ever heard honesty used as a weapon
3 second-hand - "I thought you should know, Louie has done..."
4 compliments - The difficulty here is that once someone is complimented, the air is poised for one of two things. The likely is that it is, "Yeah, but they [insert insult here]

The Shot Apple

Three are injured

1. The person who it is about - That is the apple

2. The hearer - The left side of the apple, ouch
3. The speaker - The right side of the apple, eventually it will come back to that speaker in one form or another.

Quick test to check if you conversation is on the brink.

• Are my words true?
• Must I speak them? What if we only speak only when needed.

Two times I am obliged to speak:
1. To prevent domestic violence
2. To prevent you hiring a thief

A couple of basic beliefs, if you can't go a day without a ______ you are addicted

• Cigarette
• Alcohol
• Gossip

Arite was then nice enought to include the top questions most people ask.

Cant I just apologize?

Yes. Apologies include three parts,

1. Saying/verbalizing/writing I'm sorry: The basic apology.

2. Admitting your mistake, taking responsibility for your part in the problem.

3. Asking "How can we make this right", then doing whatever is within your power to make that right.

Isn't talking how we transfer our values?
Remain silent, thinking is a good thing. Also you can transfer values by actions.

What do you talk about (if you aren't talking about people)?

Something will eventually come up. If not, enjoy the company.

Can't I say anything to my _______ ( insert close friend or relative)?

-and put them at risk of being engaged in gossip? Not everything needs to be discussed.

What about advice?

People never want advice, even when they ask for it.

What if my intentions are good?

That hogwash. The result was that you hurt someone, no explaining it away but intent will mend their reputation or feelings.

How can we avoid interrupting?

Pay attention, really pay attention to what the other person is saying. By the time they are done you might want to say something different than you originally wanted to say.

Have you lost all of your friends by polite conversation?
"Friends" on occasion will use code to let you know that they do not want to be your friend anymore, be aware of this code and move on to friends that will edify.

And with that Artie closes:
We are speaking our lives into existence.

His favorite word is:

Abracadabra- out of nothing I create something

Audience questions:
Why is it hard to correct someone?
Because no one likes to be told they are wrong. The best way to correct is...

1. Do it in private - don't display their ignorance for all to see. Let them experience it behind closed doors.
2. Do it in a polite generous way. - as best you can share with the person how it is out of care and compassion for them. If you are not doing it from that point, let someone that does proceed.
3. Allow for growth or latitude- Don't corner them and make them fight you, grant them liberty to develop and move into a right way and pattern.

What is your attitude of politeness within type and digital communication?
When letter writing was common practice, the angered person would write a scathing note and let it rest on the corner of their desk. Once the next day comes, they would deliver the letter to the trash promptly. With today's instant letter delivery via email this option is no more, write your digital letters in word, and save it to the corner of your "desktop", then delete it.