On December 2, 2009 I had the privilege of hearing Artie Isaac speak on The demise of polite conversation. The above link will take you to the video, check out 44:00 for my cameo.My notes:
Etiqutte evolves over time. What was once accepted and expected has changed.
Where do YOU draw the line, and who gets to draw it?
Bad tounge:
1 false and derogatory - not much description needed here, we all know this
2 true, but derogatory - Have you ever heard honesty used as a weapon
3 second-hand - "I thought you should know, Louie has done..."
4 compliments - The difficulty here is that once someone is complimented, the air is poised for one of two things. The likely is that it is, "Yeah, but they [insert insult here]
Three are injured
Two times I am obliged to speak:
1. To prevent domestic violence
2. To prevent you hiring a thief
A couple of basic beliefs, if you can't go a day without a ______ you are addicted
Isn't talking how we transfer our values?
Remain silent, thinking is a good thing. Also you can transfer values by actions.
Can't I say anything to my _______ ( insert close friend or relative)?
What about advice?
What if my intentions are good?
How can we avoid interrupting?
Have you lost all of your friends by polite conversation?
"Friends" on occasion will use code to let you know that they do not want to be your friend anymore, be aware of this code and move on to friends that will edify.
What is your attitude of politeness within type and digital communication?
When letter writing was common practice, the angered person would write a scathing note and let it rest on the corner of their desk. Once the next day comes, they would deliver the letter to the trash promptly. With today's instant letter delivery via email this option is no more, write your digital letters in word, and save it to the corner of your "desktop", then delete it.
Etiqutte evolves over time. What was once accepted and expected has changed.
The overarching question: What is polite conversatiion?
Simply put, offense lies in the ear of the behearer.
Simply put, offense lies in the ear of the behearer.
Where do YOU draw the line, and who gets to draw it?
An adated quote from Gandhi, Be the polite conversation we want to see in the world.
In time the way we talk will be how we will be described.
We are whatever we eatFurthermore:
We are what we know
We are who we know
We are where we go
Psalm34:13-14 you want a good life don't talk trashOur thoughts become our words.Our words become our actions.Our actions become our habits.Our habits become our values.Our values become our destiny.
Bad tounge:
1 false and derogatory - not much description needed here, we all know this
2 true, but derogatory - Have you ever heard honesty used as a weapon
3 second-hand - "I thought you should know, Louie has done..."
4 compliments - The difficulty here is that once someone is complimented, the air is poised for one of two things. The likely is that it is, "Yeah, but they [insert insult here]
The Shot Apple
Three are injured1. The person who it is about - That is the apple
2. The hearer - The left side of the apple, ouch
3. The speaker - The right side of the apple, eventually it will come back to that speaker in one form or another.
3. The speaker - The right side of the apple, eventually it will come back to that speaker in one form or another.
Quick test to check if you conversation is on the brink.
- Are my words true?
- Must I speak them? What if we only speak only when needed.
Two times I am obliged to speak:
1. To prevent domestic violence
2. To prevent you hiring a thief
A couple of basic beliefs, if you can't go a day without a ______ you are addicted
- Cigarette
- Alcohol
- Gossip
Arite was then nice enought to include the top questions most people ask.
Cant I just apologize?
Yes. Apologies include three parts,
1. Saying/verbalizing/writing I'm sorry: The basic apology.
2. Admitting your mistake, taking responsibility for your part in the problem.
3. Asking "How can we make this right", then doing whatever is within your power to make that right.
Isn't talking how we transfer our values?
Remain silent, thinking is a good thing. Also you can transfer values by actions.
What do you talk about (if you aren't talking about people)?
Something will eventually come up. If not, enjoy the company.
Can't I say anything to my _______ ( insert close friend or relative)?
-and put them at risk of being engaged in gossip? Not everything needs to be discussed.
What about advice?
People never want advice, even when they ask for it.
What if my intentions are good?
That hogwash. The result was that you hurt someone, no explaining it away but intent will mend their reputation or feelings.
How can we avoid interrupting?
Pay attention, really pay attention to what the other person is saying. By the time they are done you might want to say something different than you originally wanted to say.
Have you lost all of your friends by polite conversation?
"Friends" on occasion will use code to let you know that they do not want to be your friend anymore, be aware of this code and move on to friends that will edify.
And with that Artie closes:
We are speaking our lives into existence.
We are speaking our lives into existence.
His favorite word is:
Abracadabra- out of nothing I create something
Audience questions:
Why is it hard to correct someone?
Because no one likes to be told they are wrong. The best way to correct is...
Why is it hard to correct someone?
Because no one likes to be told they are wrong. The best way to correct is...
1. Do it in private - don't display their ignorance for all to see. Let them experience it behind closed doors.
2. Do it in a polite generous way. - as best you can share with the person how it is out of care and compassion for them. If you are not doing it from that point, let someone that does proceed.
3. Allow for growth or latitude- Don't corner them and make them fight you, grant them liberty to develop and move into a right way and pattern.
2. Do it in a polite generous way. - as best you can share with the person how it is out of care and compassion for them. If you are not doing it from that point, let someone that does proceed.
3. Allow for growth or latitude- Don't corner them and make them fight you, grant them liberty to develop and move into a right way and pattern.
What is your attitude of politeness within type and digital communication?
When letter writing was common practice, the angered person would write a scathing note and let it rest on the corner of their desk. Once the next day comes, they would deliver the letter to the trash promptly. With today's instant letter delivery via email this option is no more, write your digital letters in word, and save it to the corner of your "desktop", then delete it.