Going the distance

The first Tuesday of each month the CYP CLUB hosts a Speaker Networking Breakfast at the Champps Restaurant in the Lennox Town Center, if you are interested in joining email me.

On December 1st we were honored to welcome Debra Penzone, President of The Charles Penzone, Family of Salons. Debra addressed the issue of customer service and how to go the distance and she gave one of the most dynamic and well-planned presentations I have seen in a while.

The key takeaway for me was the statistics on first impressions. Penzone highlighted that when you meet someone for the first time they are “documenting” who you are and therefore are making assumptions based on what is before them that you are always “that way.”

For example when you meet someone if you are mumbley and grumbley they infer that is how you regularly act. On the converse if you present a pleasant posture they will believe you to be positive.

The cliché of “You can never make a second impression” heavily leans on this notion. When making new acquaintances, be sure to make the extra effort to be yourself, if only for the first time.

My second takeaway was how important what you aren’t saying. As it turns out only 7% of dialogue communication is based on the content. The rest is a mix of vocal tone, and body language. Even body language is comprised of many subsets such as, hand gestures, stance and posture, eyebrows and facial expressions. Debra incorporated the whole mixture very well as she paced the floor, emphasized expressions with her hands, and included the all important pause.

Many thanks to Debra Penzone for spending her morning with the Columbus Young Professionals and sharing her insights and wisdom on customer services.

The pebble in my boot...

The pebble in my boot is a greater obstacle than the boulder in my path.

Last Tuesday I rummaged to the back of the closet to locate my snow boots. I hadn't seen them since the beginning of 2009. As I get more prepared to start the walk to the park my dog, Lionel, becomes increasingly excited; and more difficult to manage. Due to this overwhelming zeal for exercise I failed to notice a pebble in my left boot.

As I began to pace my way toward the park I simply yielded to the annoyance in my boot and occasionally waggled my toes to shift the stone to irritate a different spot on my foot.

This was not the first time I experienced a rock in my shoe, but it was then that I was able to finalize the proverb that was waiting to be discovered. You see in life everyday we encounter all sorts of difficulties and challenges. Unexpected tasks, and projects that raise their head only to reroute the day's plan.

However I believe that those tasks and ventures although seemingly large and merit sheer mastery to overcome are still external. They will always be something outside of us that if we so choose we could choose to not do them. Or to put it another way, choose to do them differently than initially we observe them to be done.

Furthermore, "the pebble in my boot" is alluding to the great obstacle within us. That is something that we must battle and triumph. Keep in mind that it is small in size, and weak in mass, yet it is large in our own life.

Can you relate? What is the pebble in your boot?

Out of the mouth, the heart speaks.

On December 2, 2009 I had the privilege of hearing Artie Isaac speak on The demise of polite conversation. The above link will take you to the video, check out 44:00 for my cameo.

My notes:

Etiqutte evolves over time. What was once accepted and expected has changed.

The overarching question: What is polite conversatiion?
Simply put, offense lies in the ear of the behearer.

Where do YOU draw the line, and who gets to draw it?

An adated quote from Gandhi, Be the polite conversation we want to see in the world.

In time the way we talk will be how we will be described.

We are whatever we eat
We are what we know
We are who we know
We are where we go

Furthermore:

Our thoughts become our words.

Our words become our actions.

Our actions become our habits.

Our habits become our values.

Our values become our destiny.

Psalm34:13-14 you want a good life don't talk trash

Bad tounge:
1 false and derogatory - not much description needed here, we all know this
2 true, but derogatory - Have you ever heard honesty used as a weapon
3 second-hand - "I thought you should know, Louie has done..."
4 compliments - The difficulty here is that once someone is complimented, the air is poised for one of two things. The likely is that it is, "Yeah, but they [insert insult here]

The Shot Apple

Three are injured

1. The person who it is about - That is the apple

2. The hearer - The left side of the apple, ouch
3. The speaker - The right side of the apple, eventually it will come back to that speaker in one form or another.

Quick test to check if you conversation is on the brink.

• Are my words true?
• Must I speak them? What if we only speak only when needed.

Two times I am obliged to speak:
1. To prevent domestic violence
2. To prevent you hiring a thief

A couple of basic beliefs, if you can't go a day without a ______ you are addicted

• Cigarette
• Alcohol
• Gossip

Arite was then nice enought to include the top questions most people ask.

Cant I just apologize?

Yes. Apologies include three parts,

1. Saying/verbalizing/writing I'm sorry: The basic apology.

2. Admitting your mistake, taking responsibility for your part in the problem.

3. Asking "How can we make this right", then doing whatever is within your power to make that right.

Isn't talking how we transfer our values?
Remain silent, thinking is a good thing. Also you can transfer values by actions.

What do you talk about (if you aren't talking about people)?

Something will eventually come up. If not, enjoy the company.

Can't I say anything to my _______ ( insert close friend or relative)?

-and put them at risk of being engaged in gossip? Not everything needs to be discussed.

What about advice?

People never want advice, even when they ask for it.

What if my intentions are good?

That hogwash. The result was that you hurt someone, no explaining it away but intent will mend their reputation or feelings.

How can we avoid interrupting?

Pay attention, really pay attention to what the other person is saying. By the time they are done you might want to say something different than you originally wanted to say.

Have you lost all of your friends by polite conversation?
"Friends" on occasion will use code to let you know that they do not want to be your friend anymore, be aware of this code and move on to friends that will edify.

And with that Artie closes:
We are speaking our lives into existence.

His favorite word is:

Abracadabra- out of nothing I create something

Audience questions:
Why is it hard to correct someone?
Because no one likes to be told they are wrong. The best way to correct is...

1. Do it in private - don't display their ignorance for all to see. Let them experience it behind closed doors.
2. Do it in a polite generous way. - as best you can share with the person how it is out of care and compassion for them. If you are not doing it from that point, let someone that does proceed.
3. Allow for growth or latitude- Don't corner them and make them fight you, grant them liberty to develop and move into a right way and pattern.

What is your attitude of politeness within type and digital communication?
When letter writing was common practice, the angered person would write a scathing note and let it rest on the corner of their desk. Once the next day comes, they would deliver the letter to the trash promptly. With today's instant letter delivery via email this option is no more, write your digital letters in word, and save it to the corner of your "desktop", then delete it.

Be a manager

Growing up in a family owned business carried with it many lessons that otherwise I don’t think I would have learned.

When I on Christmas break and sleeping in my Dad would stop into my ask, "Want to do firewood, Robert?"

The first thoughts that would go through my head were, "No, I don't want to wake up on my day off from school, and go out into the cold. "In an effort to procrastinate I'd ask when he planned to leave to which he would answer, "Right now."

Now this lesson I am about to share may seem trivial to anyone over 10 years old. However I still encounter adults that lack this simple skill - I really can't even call it a skill.

At the end of the loading and delivery of firewood my dear sweet Dad looks over at me as we park in the driveway at home and asks, "How many hours did you work today?"

Dumbfounded I respond with a penny-unwise shrug.

Then my gracious and providing Dad tells me the start and stop time of the day. Then he adds the sentiment. "If you want to be a manager you've got to wear a watch, and carry a wallet."

With that he hands me the hard earned wages, and closes with, "Put this in your wallet."

Ricart, we're motivating

On Tuesday October 6 Rhett Ricart joined the Columbus Young Professionals at our monthly networking breakfast to speak about life and business. He shared a laundry list of things.

Top 11 biggest mistakes

1. Don’t short yourself – get a good bank relationship
2. Get an estate plan
3. Use consultants pay your vendors first
4. Get a good HR director
5. Don’t let your sales outrun your service
6. Don’t teach your people to steal
7. If you cant come to work positive – stay home! Always keep a positive mental attitude
8. Phone etiquette – first and last name and answer with a smile
9. Pay your secretary/assistant the most you can afford
10. Hire by emotional intelligence – they know ho to deal with tragedy and problems
11. Have to spend time with your family – have dinner together.

15 C's of success

1. Charismatic - know how to work with people
2. Communication - you have to be able to talk. Readers are leaders.
3. Consistent - people should know what to expect
4. Compassionate - make notes and care about what is going on
5. Confident - "A vision is nothing more than a dream that comes true." -Les Wexner
6. Computerize - you have to be computer savvy
7. Cooperate - work with each other to build each other up
8. Credible - others have to be able to believe you
9. Courteous - treat each person you meet with the dignity and respect they deserve
10. Concise - Don't waffle or waiver and make the decision
11. Clever - you have to figure out how to get out of sticky situations
12. Charity - not just $$, but time and talents
13. Candid - if you are wrong, step up and say so. It's easier to eat crow when it's warm.
14. Capitalistic - know how to turn a profit on things you are good at doing.
15. Competent - be the expert and the master of something.

Satisfy your customers in this order

1. Customers
2. Employees
3. Vendors

Take care of your customers or your competition will be glad to do so, just ask them.

Imagine the best thing you could do everyday and figure out how to do it.

Herd Mentality - If you want to get to where everone else is, then follow the herd.

Tell the truth - Save your memory and creativity for things that are important. If you tell the truth you won't need to remember your lies.

Business - brand your business so when people think of your industry, they think of YOU!

If you ever have a doubt of doing something, think of your family. "Will my family be proud of this?"

Take care of disagreements with your partner behind closed doors, and say everything that is on your mind.

Thank you Rhett, I look forward to crossing paths again soon.

The message below is intended for recipient only...

Are you still reading?

How many of you have a disclaimer at the footer of your emails?

Does it actually mean anything? Would that actually protect you if you sent an email intended for the client and it went to their competitor?!

How about all those social media websites? Do my tweets really bind me to anything? Or does their have to be something more?

Find out the answer to these questions and a few of your own at an upcoming CYP CLUB event click here for more details http://tinyurl.com/cypnov4

If life had a soundtrack

Well you see often times you have a tune going through your head anyway.

Turns out when you are in the most mundane situations you wish you really

could have music playing around you. Well the other day I was a the airport

security checkpoint and the mood hit me just right.

What do you think, does it look like me?

Elephant in the room

In order to get an elephant to become tame they will use very, very heavy chains and then cuff one of its legs to a post.

Once the elephant awakens from the tranquilizer (you didn't think he would just come willingly, did you?) He is so angry that he fights with the strength of 100 pissed pachyderms. He rumbles and trumpets in anger until it has no more energy, no more effort, no more eagerness to escape.

Later the bold trainer removes the impossible-to-break chain and in its place ties a rope from the elephant's cuff to a mere stake in the ground. Now if you were tied down with rope you would likely be stuck just the same as the elephant's prior situation; however, with the strength of muscle on muscle a rope would be nothing more than a string to you and I.

On with the show. The depressed elephant which at one point was a titan has now succumbed to the simple bond of a rope. The elephant has been defeated physically but the real trick is that the pachyderm has been defeated mentally. You would be hard pressed to find an elephant that will break away simply because they don't think they can.

What dire life event did you go through that whipped you to the point that your spirit was deterred for good. Occasionally we experience something in life that so changes our way of thinking that it never crosses our mind that we can try again and that we might succeed.

Try again.

Junto Meeting

Ben Franklin had a group that would meet and these are the following questions they would use to spur conversation...

This is the list of questions Franklin devised to guide the discussions at Junto meetings.

1. Have you met with any thing in the author you last read, remarkable, or suitable to be communicated to the Junto? particularly in history, morality, poetry, physics, travels, mechanic arts, or other parts of knowledge?

2. What new story have you lately heard agreeable for telling in conversation?

3. Hath any citizen in your knowledge failed in his business lately, and what have you heard of the cause?

4. Have you lately heard of any citizenís thriving well, and by what means?

5. Have you lately heard how any present rich man, here or elsewhere, got his estate?

6. Do you know of any fellow citizen, who has lately done a worthy action, deserving praise and imitation? or who has committed an error proper for us to be warned against and avoid?

7. What unhappy effects of intemperance have you lately observed or heard? of imprudence? of passion? or of any other vice or folly?

8. What happy effects of temperance? of prudence? of moderation? or of any other virtue?

9. Have you or any of your acquaintance been lately sick or wounded? If so, what remedies were used, and what were their effects?

10. Who do you know that are shortly going [on] voyages or journies, if one should have occasion to send by them?

11. Do you think of any thing at present, in which the Junto may be serviceable to mankind? to their country, to their friends, or to themselves?

12. Hath any deserving stranger arrived in town since last meeting, that you heard of? and what have you heard or observed of his character or merits? and whether think you, it lies in the power of the Junto to oblige him, or encourage him as he deserves?

13. Do you know of any deserving young beginner lately set up, whom it lies in the power of the Junto any way to encourage?

14. Have you lately observed any defect in the laws of your country, of which it would be proper to move the legislature an amendment? Or do you know of any beneficial law that is wanting?

15. Have you lately observed any encroachment on the just liberties of the people?

16. Hath any body attacked your reputation lately? and what can the Junto do towards securing it?

17. Is there any man whose friendship you want, and which the Junto, or any of them, can procure for you?

18. Have you lately heard any memberís character attacked, and how have you defended it?

19. Hath any man injured you, from whom it is in the power of the Junto to procure redress?

20. In what manner can the Junto, or any of them, assist you in any of your honourable designs?

21. Have you any weighty affair in hand, in which you think the advice of the Junto may be of service?

22. What benefits have you lately received from any man not present?

23. Is there any difficulty in matters of opinion, of justice, and injustice, which you would gladly have discussed at this time?

24. Do you see any thing amiss in the present customs or proceedings of the Junto, which might be amended?

O-H-I-O

Governor Ted Strickland demonstrates some state spirit at the 2009 Ohio Young Professionals Weekend.

It's All About Character

During a lunch and learn hosted by Columbus Young Professionals Dr. Mike Thomson shared ways to save your sanity. These are my notes.

Dr. Mike starts out by pointing out that everyone needs to operate just like they are self-employed. You should have a sales department, a Marketing group, a Research and Development division, a production center, and most of all a quality control unit. Once you recognize the need for each of these areas then you can start to live.

Ways to Save your Sanity:

1. The only people without problems are dead.

Keep in mind that 80% of people have a JOB (just over broke) and then the remaining 20% are thinking differently.

Also you should notice that the Hearse never has a U-Haul following behind it.

2. The world is filled with a boatload of jerks

Dr. Mike shares how happy he is that these jerks are around. You see this gives you and I some advantages. The jerks are a great example. Yeah, and example of what not to be. Just watch them and then do the opposite.

3. In a tornado, even a turkey can fly.

You are never stuck unless you decide that there is no way out.

Beware the "Yeah, but ____ disease."

You are not depressed, you are depressing.

Spend only two minutes on a problem, then begin working to solve it.

The five ways to Save your Sanity:

The very contagious disease: Optimal Rectitus - otherwise known as having a crappy outlook

Good character is making good choices when no one else is watching.

Lures: Things people throw out to displace responsibility. Spit them out, it is up to you to take do everything you had control over. If other people choose not to accept their responsibility it does not automatically become yours to fix.

Getting closer

If you sit a 10 year old Robert down and start to explain how a atom works do you choose liken the orbit of the electrons to that of the solar system as we currently believe it, or to what is known as probability clouds?

Once you are done reading what a probability cloud is on wikipedia.org I would like to share with you the clever concept of Accessibility versus Accuracy as I heard it from "Made to Stick" by Dan and Chip Heath.

When you are sharing a concept you have to first make a decision, do you want them to get the idea, or get the idea?

Sharing with elementary students how the electrons of an atom revolve around the nucleus much like the solar system will get them close enough to understand. If your audience is comprised of Ph.D. candidates you might want to take the probability cloud approach, which would be more accurate.

Do you have a complex message that you are blessed to share. Consider the benefits of Accessibility versus Accuracy.

A piles of rocks

If you subscribe to the belief of Jesus Christ you are then inherently somewhere along the icon-idol continuum (I just coined this term).

Some congregations of believers rid anything whether it be relic or rubbish lest it be viewed a graven image. Whereas other groups of believers stockpile the the nooks and crannies of the sanctuary. Perhaps you stand somewhere in the middle of the two extremes, perhaps you don't stand at all and likely have stopped reading.

So what?

Well I wanted to retell an often overlooked story that would be wonderful for children's church. Joshua leads Israel (God's chosen people) through the desert and nevertheless another river runs across their path. Jehovah clears the way, and Joshua in his divine wisdom instructs the priest tribe to shoulder up a rock for each tribe and place it along the path.

If you have ever spent the afternoon with a 2 year old you would know that if it was up to them the letter Y would not be in 25th place. Joshua must have known that every 2 year old in every culture would go through that curious career of never-ending why.

Fundamentals for group work

Not too long ago a great man became a greater man when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and lived beyond the doctor's expectations. That man was Randy Pausch, among many things he was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University.

During his time there he conducted a lot of research and taught classes. At the start of each class term he would divide the class into groups and encourage them to work as a group. Below is a list of encouragements he would give them lest they made it this far and still weren't sure how to play together.

• Meet people properly - exchange contact information, make sure you can pronounce everyone's name
• Find things you have in common - sports, the weather
• Try for optimal meeting conditions - no one is hungry / cold / tired, a great time to meet is over a meal
• Let everyone speak - don't interrupt, don't finish other's sentences
• Check egos at the door - label ideas appropriately (the Bridge Story, not Jane's story)
• Praise each other - even the worst ideas still have silver linings
• Phrase alternatives as questions - Instead of: "I think we should do A and not B." Try: "What if we do A and not B?"
• Sit together

Of course this seems very basic and could be insulting to those in grad school. But I share it with you because often we don't need to be told anything new, just reminded of what we may already know.

For names sake

Look familiar?

If you wanted to learn more about me and my business Davlin Designs, you could go to DavlinDesigns.com and read about some projects I have worked on.

Should you decide you wanted to learn more about Kellogg's the wonderful breakfast cereal company you would type in Kelloggs.com and learn how grreat they are.

Suppose you wanted to learn about a certain type of car, let's say Nissan, what do you type in? Nissan.com right?

Unfortuanately not. Instead you will arrive at the wonderful business portal for Nissan Computer Company. Too bad for Nissan Motor Company, no wait - too bad for Nissan Computer Company. That's right, they didn't develop Windows so this "Mom and Pop" computer shop has been going at it now in the American court system for over 10 years.

In the meantime to find Nissan cars, you'll have to Google it.

March Forth!

Well, I did.

Two days ago now was March 4th. And in light of my forever witty (corny) humor I thought it should mean march forth.

I took the time to Tweet (Twitter) a charge to pursue the thing that has been beyond your reach or beyond your procrastination.

Getting Buff
When I was younger my Mom would ask me to help carry in the groceries from the car to the kitchen. As my mind searched for a way to make it more exciting than it really was I grabbed for the item that was sure to be heaviest - why else would she ask me to help?

Often it was the gallon of milk that yielded this excitement. In my mind's eye I was pushing the limits of strength, and after a few more grocery hauls I would be large and in charge. (I still need a few more grocery hauls.)

Give me your hand!
This is Arnold's classic line. In whichever action-hero epic he has sent to the cinema at some point in the adventure he cries out his line and saves the day.

In celebration of March Fourth I was able to give Arnold, the Governator, a hand.

That is me and hundreds of others as we constructed what will become the years largest and most attended central Ohio trade show, The Arnold Classic.

In years past I have joined the muscle-bound and fit-natics as we carried our SWAG bags and herded through the aisles. However I have yet to think about the sweat and blood that went into creating the circus.

I return on Sunday to see the demise of it all, and from what I am told it is madness.

Put me in coach!

Exactly one week before I received my pink slip I happened to schedule a coaching session with someone I met through a networking event. It was her way of letting potential customers test her out.

We chatted for more than an hour about who I was and what I wanted out of life. When we set the appointment she asked me to write down the three wishes I would make if I were given Aladdin's lamp.

1. Backpack across Europe
2. Live with a native African tribe
3. Be rich and famous for product design

When diving into our conversation I assumed we would talk about how I would get to those wishes by turning them into goals. Then as we talked I soon realized it wasn't about achieving those wishes as much as it was about discovering what was preventing me from laying hold of them.

After fully describing my first wish she asked me about the benefits of a European excursion and why I would want such a event. When I stopped tripping over my reasons the heart of the motivation was that I wanted to share stories and be that interesting person who has trekked across the mother land.

Since this nice chat I have repeatedly asked myself, "Why do I want to be interesting to others, what is the point of that?"

People Pleasers

This title has been assigned to many, as well as self-proclaimed. Usually when attributed it is not in the context of compliments. I think it might fall in the category of, "We stopped dating because he was too nice."

Isn't pleasing someone a good thing? Shouldn't we seek to make others happy and content?

I suppose overextending ourselves and pushing our boundaries to meet this end is why such a label has come to stink-so-sweet like that of a skunk.

Are you aware of your motivations? Are you a people pleaser?

Updog

What's updog?

As I am reaching for the shampoo bottle I think to myself, "Ok, the shampoo is on the right."

Then with my still blurry vision I double check the label. Not that it is of dire consequence if I accidentally put the conditioner on first, but a more of a minor waste of hair goo.

The main question here is about the label. Which way is up? When I am at the store and browsing the aisle for my preferred product of course the bottle is placed in optimum viewing condition. However when this product reached my bath's edge the point of view changes completely, especially as the contents goes down the drain.

Does your bathtime product stare you in the face as if were on the shelf, or should it have a secondary way to communicate?

I am dominant

Perspective is an interesting topic.

You have the figurative interpretation as in, "They have a different frame of reference on saving the whales."

Then there is the physical perspective that we are somewhat limited by in our everyday life. Occasionally I am reminded of the movie "Dead Poets Society" when Robin Williams invites each member of the class to stand on his desk to gain a new perspective. Even if you get to stand 6 inches higher in a particular area it shows you a different way of looking at things.

The space between your ears is often referred to as one of your most valuable assets. Seldom do we talk about the space between your eyes, and I am not referring to the nasal cavity. From pupil to pupil my eyes are about 3 inches apart. Sloth from "The Goonies" has a different measurement all together.

Dear and many four legged creatures are blessed with nearly 360º of vision. Their eyes are placed quite literally on opposite sides of their head allowing them to be aware of what is going on all around them. However they must move their head from side to side occasionally to interpret depth perception.

A fun little exercise to try for yourself will help you determine which of your eyes in more dominant. Make a triangle between the web of your hands and with both eyes open view an object across the room (for example the corner of a picture frame).

The close one eye.

Did the object move from the triangle you made with your hands? If so, the eye you closed is your dominant eye.

To double check, start again, then test the other eye. If the object did not move, the open eye is the dominant eye.







Is your dominant eye on the same side as your dominant hand?

Go left

As I was writing note cards one day I noticed the disdain that Sharpie has for those of left-handed dominance.

Well maybe its not disdain but perhaps they don't care to have their touchpoint be interpreted by those south paw consumers.

The truth is all writing utensil manufacturers show disregard for lefties (I didn't cross check paint brushes and toothbrushes).

Would it hurt to rotate the text? Often times the same logo or set of information is stamped on the piece, couldn't one of them be favorable for the occasional left hand scribe?

I don't know which cliche to end with, so you can choose.

1. A person that is right-hand dominant is said to use the left half of the brain, so does that mean those that are left hand dominant are in their "right mind"?
2. You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.